I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
