It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
