so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
