just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I CAN MOONWALK!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
