I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
