Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
