Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
