Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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