I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
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If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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