ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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