Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I want to be your penis for a week.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
