Sponge bath it is.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
