The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
