don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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