I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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