I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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