it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
