Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
