Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
