Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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