ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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