so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
