I hate your face
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
