Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize