Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
