Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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