I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I met the friendliest cop last night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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