I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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