we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
