there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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