Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
