mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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