remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
