u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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