I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
