I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
