why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
