I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
