Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
