WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
