You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
