Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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