I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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