my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
