I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Its about making memories worth repressing
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
