I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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