I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
