All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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