Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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