I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
