Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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