You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
