Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
