"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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