Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
