We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize