You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I AM VODKA MAN
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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