I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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