I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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