so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Less talking, more tequila
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
