If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
