i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
