you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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