PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
