Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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