As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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