I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We're too hungover to prance.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
