Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
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Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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