Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
