I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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