im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
