I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
