im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
