Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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