Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize