I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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