Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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