what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so let's talk penis.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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