the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
