i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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