he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need moral support for this bender
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
