found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
