Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize